Sex Education

Mom, Dad, school administrators, I think it’s time we had ‘The Talk.’ The sad truth is we live in a world where mental and sexual health are heavily stigmatized and abuse is normalized. These stigmas are major barriers to people receiving the support they need. At a young age, we have become so accustomed to a society that trivializes sexual assault, places blame on the survivor, and scrutinizes the behavior of an individual prior to the assault as a justification. All of these factors continue to marginalize survivors and create a toxic culture where what we wear or drink becomes the reason for assault, not the perpetrator. One way we can combat this stigma is through education. Schools should be providing students with the tools they need to navigate life and overcome challenges exceeding academic ones. Implementing and enforcing policies that require schools to teach sexual health, consent, and what a healthy relationship looks like is vital. Sexual assault and harrasment are a prevalent issue everywhere and schools need to provide avenues for students to learn about it.

According to a 2018 press release by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 38 states, 75% - 100% of highschools taught the benefits of being sexually abstinent. 30 states and The District of Columbia require sex education in public schools but only eight mandate mention of consent. Schools should not only be required to teach consent, but also teach how to have safe sex when it is consenual. Promoting abstinence is an ineffective way of teaching safe sex because it does not delay sexual intimacy or reduce risky behaviors. When youth are taught abstinence is the ‘right’ way, they are denied education on what safe sex looks like because why would you teach how to have safe sex when the message is don’t have sex ever. Challenging the abstinence only agenda is necessary in ensuring all students can receive an accurate and comprehensive education.

Learning about prevalent topics such as consent and healthy relationships is key to equipping students with skills to understand warning signs and resources to help get them out of unsafe situations. A Columbia University study showed that adolescents who received some form of education and training on how to navigate unwanted sexual advances were less likely to experience sexual assault in college. Just as it is critical to inform people on how to set boundaries, it is important we teach people how to identify and respect those boundaries. When we disregard the importance of teaching consent and deny students that education, we are doing nothing to help prevent uncomfortable and dangerous situations that may take place in the future.

You don’t need to teach sex-ed in order to teach the concept of asking permission. A lot of the pushback surrounding consent education in younger kids is that the topic is too mature for them. Younger students should receive age appropriate lessons on what boundaries are and what a healthy relationship consists of. When schools neglect to teach kids these topics, they often develop an understanding of the subject based on the media. When that is their only source of information on the topic, you are normalizing that content regardless of how inaccurate it is.

Take Disney movies for instance. In their princess films, they often perpetuate sexist stereotypes and portray white male characters as heroes who are destined to save a woman and then own her. Their franchise has failed to integrate accurate and unbiased depictions of race and gender and has done the opposite of what many are trying to steer away from now. Look at Beauty and the Beast. The misogynistic nature of this film is apparent through the main characters' relationship. Disney took a twisted story of a young woman who was taken captive and romanticized it into a dazzling love story that kids adore. Even Disney's description of the movie acknowledged the violent and disturbed nature of the Beast and then proceeded to say Belle learned “to look beyond the Beast’s hideous exterior and realize the kind heart and soul of the true Prince within.” This lesson teaches kids that if they hold onto hope, the person they love will change for better regardless of how they have hurt you. The relationship between Belle and the Beast illustrates the cycle of abuse many survivors are caught in. When The Beast eventually changes, Belle's fantasy comes true to the delight of many kids who don’t yet understand the concept of manipulation and abuse. By promoting this false perception of love, they are teaching kids that if they hold onto hope, the person they love will eventually change for the better.

That is just one example of how the media perpetuates harmful sexist and gender stereotypes. That is why it is so important to utilize school and provide students accurate information and knowledge on these topics. For younger individuals, you can engage kids in lessons on how to ask for permission without teaching consent in a sexual context. Knowing what consent is should be a life skill, not merely a concept you learn in sex-ed. You can examine consent through the tea analogy which teaches the fundamentals of asking permission where tea is substituted for sex. Someone may have wanted tea on Friday but that does not automatically mean they want it on Saturday. You still have to ask. Someone may also only like certain kinds of tea so we should not force them to drink something they do not want to. There are many ways to teach kids these ideas without exposing them to something they are not emotionally mature enough for. Young people should be learning the importance of asking permission prior to potential onsets of risk behaviors and ideally before they become sexually active. By teaching this, we are setting a foundation for youth to grow from to become the best person they can be. Ideally, the ideas of respecting others will dovetail into an understanding of consent and how to ask for it.

As students, it is unfortunately not in our control whether our school does or does not teach consent. In that case, we can utilize other resources to empower ourselves and find allies to advocate for mandatory consent education. Safe Bae is a survivor led organization that aims to bring awareness and end sexual assault in high schools. By educating students on the stigmas surrounding sexual assault and harrasment, you are giving teens the power to help shift the school culture. The Daisy Coleman Consent Culture Peer Educator Certification Training through Safebae is a free virtual training that consists of 15 lessons catered to fighting stigmas. After each lesson, a brief quiz will be included to review what you learned. After completion you may schedule a meeting with a program director to discuss your experience and can receive community service hours. Educating adolescents on themes like consent, Title IX, and how to support someone who has experienced abuse is vital in fighting rape culture. I urge everyone to take action however you may be able. We have the power to shift the toxic culture surrounding sexual assault and create a society where people can safely come forth with their stories without being critisized.